i'm in love with brady sprunger.....

not really. i don't really believe in falling in love with a celebrities. i just happen to admire him alot. i've recently noticed that i'm attracted to church boys. it's not because they don't lie or they're supposedly "good guys" or anything like that. it's their passion for God. it inspires me. it's something i envy. i wish i had it. i did have it once, but i chose to give it up. no one will really understand this unless they've gone through it, like most other things. it was a decision that i took because of different reasons. even though i know i'm not the only person in the world who has gone through it, it could feel like it. i had a recent conversation with this guy. he was the last person in the world that i thought could understand me. i never told him what happened, but he knew enough to tell me that my "depression" comes from isolation. it's true and i was surprised as hell. i separate myself from people to avoid connecting with anyone. it's seems so much easier to just be apart than to be emotional involved with anyone on any type of level sometimes. i only have a handful of real friends. everyone else is just THERE. i didn't really think i would have any need to socialize, but i think it's time i start coming out of my shell. sometimes i think there's no point of coming out if i'm just going to go back in. i get alot of "why are you so quiet?". it's so annoying. IT'S BECAUSE I WANT TO BE! i get so angry about stuff, especially the past. some people think that i need to "just get over it". that's the answer to my problem. just put everything behind and start over. i think it's good advice, but it's not going to happen until i'm good and ready. i'm taking these baby steps and, even though i'd love to skyrocket, it's almost satisfactory for now. i think that i just need to hang around other brady sprungers. people that have ambition and contagious sense of openness. i know i've been forgiven for what i've done, but now i just want left alone.


Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting

I'm through, with doubt,
There's nothing left for me to figure out,
I've paid a price, and i'll keep paying

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

I know you said
Why can't you just get over it,
It turned my whole world around
and i kind of like it

I made by bed, and I sleep like a baby,
With no regrets and I don't mind saying,
It's a sad sad story
That a mother will teach her daughter
that she ought to hate a perfect stranger.
And how in the world
Can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they'd write me a letter
Saying that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting

Dixie Chicks~ not ready to make nice